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Janice Wong is one of my fav columnist and her article appears weekly in The Newpaper..duno if u guys have noticed her work..here's one which is her personal fav..and mine too!
Pally with the ex? No thanks?
By: Janice Wong
SINGLE!
"ARE we still friends?" my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend asked.
I hesitated.
"We are still friends, right?"
His eyes were pleading.
I looked away.
Urgh! I'm trapped. If I say no, he would probably jump to the conclusion I don't even care enough to tolerate him as a friend.
"Come on ... ," he insisted.
"Yeah, all right," I mumbled, with a feeble smile.
As a rule of thumb, remaining friends with the ex is a bad idea.
It makes me cringe whenever someone finds it necessary to dangle this friendship line after THE talk. Why this insistence on being friends? Some sort of consolation prize in the game of love?
No thanks.
How can I be so reluctant and cold to someone who merely wants to be my friend, someone who once faithfully called me every day and whom I trusted enough to share my insecurities and secrets with? It is precisely because he had been such an integral part of my life that I needed to wrench him away - cold-turkey style.
When you give each other the green light to be involved in each other's lives, there will always be the tendency to ignore the problem that drove you apart, bury the hatchet and get back together during moments of loneliness.
It doesn't matter who broke up with whom.If I had initiated it, whatever it was about him that bothered me won't stop bothering me after the break-up. In fact, I'd probably be less forgiving about his faults now that he has been downgraded from my handphone's speed dial to the regular phone book. And if it was the guy who had the cheek to break-up with me, he'd be so lucky that I had not hired an assassin. Stay friends? Excuse me!
It depends on the situation, I suppose. If a couple had a firm friendship before it developed into an intimate relationship, the reverse adjustment would probably be less awkward. But if you, like me, plunged immediately into the courtship stage, it can be tricky. What are you going to do with your hands when you go out as friends for a cuppa? Moreover, I really don't need the painful reminder that one of us made a mistake, that the future we spent countless starry nights planning together is never going to be. It will also complicate matters when a new someone enters the scene.
I would tread cautiously if a new man tells me he and his ex are best friends.Are they still holding a torch for each other? Does she fulfil him in a way I don't? How should I react to her - with the triumph of a winner or shall I suck up to her like she's my spy? You may think I am an immature girl who cannot handle a break-up like a civilised adult.
Cross your heart and hope to die: Do you really want to attend the wedding of that ex with the stellar career while you are still sadly single with the same salary?
I don't.
Sometimes people who once mattered to us, do not matter anymore. I choose to keep the sweet memories than remain awkward friends. Moving on.
What else can be more adult?
|3:27 AM|
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